Are you OK with chit chatting and tippy tapping with people late at night when you could be asleep or laying bricks in real life instead of building sandcastles in the sky? If a guy doesn’t ‘get’ why a woman who has never met him before doesn’t want to invite him over to her place and certainly not late at night, that’s a code red alert and don’t bother making it your job to educate him.
Are you OK with having virtual strangers over to your place or meeting them at night? Self-awareness as well as regard and respect for others involves being aware of your own rights and those of the people whom you engage with.
Do you: A) Find it uncomfortable and flush because (1), they’re a stranger, (2), it’s late at night, and (3) even if they won’t admit it, it’s highly likely that there’s sexual intentions. Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions and all they want to do is come over and chat, watch TV, and have cocoa and cookies.
B) Find it uncomfortable but offer to meet during the day or earlier on in the evening and then if they decline or keep going for the late night stuff, flush at that point. Sure they’re just some stranger that I met online who could literally be anyone and it’s certainly odd that they want to come to my place, but I don’t want to appear rude and distrusting (yes of a person I hardly know and who I don’t trust) so I’d better say yes.’ Now there will always be people who will swear up and down that the reason why they’re asking to come over to your place is just to ‘hang out’ or that the reason why they only talk to you late at night and possibly only by text or email is because, you know, they’re The Busiest Person On The Planet ™ and if you want to catch ’em while you can, you’ve got to be prepared to meet at all sorts of unsociable hours.
I’m not suggesting that we see a predator in everyone and imagine that we’re going to be chopped into little pieces and rolled up in a carpet, but if you are dating, you need to be stranger aware and you certainly shouldn’t allow, (1) your ego, (2) your libido, (3) excessive politeness (read: people-pleasing), (4) any dodgy assumptions, and (5) the most insidious and annoying – other people’s opinions and projections – to run the show.
Worrying too much about the asker’s take on things or giving too much credence to the opinions and projections of family and friends just messes with your gut.
Let’s imagine that a perfect stranger you’ve recently become ‘acquainted’ with, asks if they can meet you at 11pm at your place.
Ask “if you are alone with me, you would ___________”.I smell bullshit and that kind of reasoning is actually even more of a reason as to why you shouldn’t meet, after all, if they’re so frickin’ busy, where is this going to go?Also, it’s easy to claim that this isn’t an intention and then for them to go, While some people will tell you straight up what they’re truly intending in these situations, most won’t because you’re likely to say no and/or they’re trying to preserve a certain image of themselves.Texting makes your job a lot easier and exciting while helping you and your partner to get rid of your inhibitions.Texting makes it simpler to initiate naughty talks with your partner and continue them than talking dirty over a phone and feeling embarrassed as soon as you put down the phone.