I cannot buy into your illusion that this is a great love.
You had a crush on a teacher and made a big play for him when you were no longer at school and naturally he succumbed - because, after all, he's a bloke who was being offered it on a plate. And he'll be skulking around, hoping his wife doesn't get suspicious and grab his mobile when he is in said shower - or catch him out in a big lie about where he was at such-and-such a time. You say you are not a 'home-wrecker', but you to be, don't you?
Listen, I'm sure he adores you, just as you adore him, and that you both long to see each other to have sex and chat - but those feelings are going nowhere except a big, black hole of unhappiness for all concerned. I wish you would buy a backpack and throw some clothes in it and take off to join one of them, wherever she is.
He owes you nothing at all, my girl, and it's about time you realised that - and decided to get on with the valuable life you are squandering right now. You'll be sad for a while; then you'll be chatted up by some guy and feel better.
You try desperately hard to persuade me that it isn't 'sleazy', but I ask you this: if you discovered that your own father was having an affair with a very much younger woman and describing it as a wonderful, amazing relationship based on love, what would your judgment be? Almost certainly, you'd angrily describe the girl as a 'cheap slut' or some similar phrase. It so happens that I would not use such an abusive phrase, but I do want you to know that I find your lack of empathy towards this man's innocent wife entirely unpleasant.
Beware of despising people else you, too, will be despised.
I hope to go next year, but I worry that I've consigned myself to yet another year with him and will feel worse and worse. I've watched my friends move away to uni, and they have made new friends and are having the time of their lives. My parents are angry because I am often out for hours - meeting up with him (saying I'm with friends), when I should be looking for a job.I have moved on with my life (having remarried and had children) and have barely given him a second thought.However, hearing of his death has opened up old wounds.I feel I've reached breaking point and cannot go on.I'm 18 and, over the summer, became embroiled in an affair with a much older man, who was once my teacher.